How the hell to get over a breakup.



This may be so ridiculous to ask ... or even send an e-mail to you for, (honestly I don’t know who else to ask) … But I’m going through a bad breakup, I just don’t get how you get through it... we fought all the time but still loved each other. 

Love is hard and I just want to know how you got through everything and/or got over all of the crap that happened to you and Nick??? Please help. Heartbreak sucks.



Dear *******,

SO sorry to hear you’ve been through such heartache!

And you’re right. Heartbreak sucks. Well put. First off, allow yourself to feel! It’s ok and very normal to be sad for a bit. Cry, vent to friends, let it out… but that can’t go on forever. The quicker you can give yourself a good perspective on the situation the better.

The most painful part of a breakup is the excessive over-thinking and overanalyzing. I remember when I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I couldn’t even hear his name without my heart breaking all over again. EVERYTHING reminded me of him and each thought was a chain of multiple, destructive ones to follow.

BUT… 20 boxes of tissues later, I realized this: it’s all in the head.  

I needed to get a grip of my emotions.

This is when I dove into self-help books, the most life changing one was “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. I can’t even articulate what that book did for me, and I won’t go TOO into this right now, I’ll keep it simple. BUT I have to say real quick: before that book, I had very little control over my thought, which is not ideal after a breakup when all your mind wants to wander to is HIM. 

Post book, I learned the importance of living in “the now”, which is all there really is. When you can achieve this, even for a few moments, you’ll see that this is the essence of controlling your thoughts. In those brief moments of true presence, you’ll feel any past issues and anxiety of the future slip away. The more you practice this, the more you can really tune in to the present moment AKA no more excessively thinking and overanalyzing.

You are not your thoughts! 

Side note: The ability to control your thoughts is such a powerful thing to achieve, just for life in general. This book helps big time. HIGHLY recommend.  Another important thing to do is remind yourself of why your relationship struggled in the first place, why did you break up? More often than not, it’s because it wasn’t a healthy relationship, the timing was off, not a compatible fit…. orrrr he was simply a dick (usually the most common). 

Also realize that you can love someone and still not be good for each other long term. If you’re broken up, there’s usually a good reason. Don’t forget that. Whatever the reasons were: Accept, accept the situation for what it is. Know you aren’t meant to be together and that you deserve what’s ultimately best for you… be confident that this wasn’t it, and that you will find it one day.  

In the mean time, get your thoughts away from him! STAY POSITIVE. Focus on yourself and what makes YOU happy… turn this shitty heartbreak into a positive by becoming the best version of yourself. The happier you are as a person, the healthier your next relationship will be ☺ 

Oh and also, wine. always wine.

To you,

Jen xx


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“The happier you are as a person, the healthier your next relationship will be”