Struggling to follow through with promises to myself.

q u e s t i o n: Hi Jen!!

*get your wine ready* 

Now I'm in college and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years! I love him so much but I'm concerned that the honeymoon phase is over. The problem is that in these 3 years I've changed. I've put on 15 pounds and have been so sad and frustrated about that.

"I go through phases where I'm extremely motivated to work out then I'll lose it and a couple weeks later have a meltdown about how I'm a mess. "

My family has been stressing me out: I've had to lend money to family members, my classes are extremely difficult. All of these things have affected my relationship because I'm a huge crybaby now. My boyfriend is in great shape, a great (wealthy) family, and a perfect gpa. He's frustrated that I give up so easily on all of my goals and I'm frustrated that he's kinda perfect.

I feel like I deal with so much shit that I want to reward myself (wine, pasta, snacks) but then I get mad that I'm not losing weight!

Help me!

-Emotional rollercoaster

Well hello Emotional Roller Coaster,

*Wine is ready*

From what you've expressed to me, it seems as though you're struggling a bit with self-love, and your insecurities are getting the best of you. On top of this, you have other stressors such as difficult classes, money, health, family, etc… you're right, that IS all very difficult! And I'm sorry you're going through all of that.


Outside factors aren't an excuse to give up on your goals, let your health slip and feel sorry for yourself.

Regardless of what you're going through, you always need to learn to learn to put yourself first.

{You know in airplanes they say "in case of an emergency, always put your oxygen mask on first before helping others"? I always use to giggle at that, like WTF, before children? Ha but if you think about it…  if you're lacking oxygen and about to pass out,  you're useless to other people. I know this is a weird/extreme example, but it's the first thing that popped into my head and kind of feels relevant.}

So when I say "put yourself first", that may sound like a selfish approach when you first read it, but it's actually quite the opposite. If you aren't in the right mindset; stressed, insecure, depressed… it's going to slowly affect every aspect of your life, especially your relationships. 

This is why self-love is so important.

The only thing that is constant and guaranteed in life is change. Good change, bad change, all kinds of change. You have to believe in yourself, TRUST yourself and ultimately love yourself in order to be able to ride these crazy waves of life.

Health: if you're in an unhealthy rut and you've gained weight… do something about it!  When you're down, use that frustration as fuel to better yourself and get your ass back into a healthy rhythm. NOT to feel sorry for yourself. 

Goals: If people around you are telling you that you give up too easily on your goals, well... you probably are. Comparing yourself to your boyfriends success and "perfection" should only be done for motivation to excel in those areas in your own life. Not to make you feel worse about yourself. IMO, this shift needs to happen immediately in order for the relationship to work out.

At the end of the day, change isn't going to come from anyone but yourself. Life is too short and you are far too young AND blessed to be feeling anything but ridiculously happy! Life really isn't as bad as we make it out in our heads to be.

From here on out, NO more feeling sorry for yourself. Take active steps now to put yourself first and do what you need to do to get yourself back on track. Back on track with your health, your goals, your life.

You're capable of anything and everything with a positive attitude and a lot of determination.

So dig deep girlfriend.


Your friend,

Jen x

Blog post recommendation: Learning to love yourself.

Book recommendation: The Gifts of Imperfection


Jennifer SavianoComment